If Star Wars and Sports Were Somehow Melded into One

Star Wars . . . the greatest movie of ALL time! (Don't argue. Just accept it. You know you want to.)

Sports . . . the greatest time-consumers of all time (outside of curling and the WNBA, of course)!

Sooooooooo, why not combine the two in a moment of complete absurdity? Well, I think we will, so here goes, with exactly who should be playing some of the major roles if the space saga were to be re-done today.

• Luke Skywalker = Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys (He seems like such a cute, li'l innocent type who has to ward off the evil advances of Jerry Jones, who probably wants to be that evil second-father figure to our dashing hero.)
• Darth Vader = Stephen A. Smith of ESPN (Just because I hate him--seriously, he's both arrogant and ignorant, a perfect combination for our main villain.)
• Han Solo = Randy Moss of the New England Patriots (A bit of a rebel who likes to be on his own and who gets into a little trouble every now and then, but still the one with great talent that we wind up cheering for when he's paired up with the right team)
• Yoda = John Clayton of ESPN (Not necessarily because of his Force-like knowledge of all that is NFL, but more because of his hideous, shriveled-up looks--Disturbing!)
• Princess Leia = Natalie Gulbis of the LPGA (Just because she's HOT with a capital "smokin'!", and I'm thinking about that costume Jabba made Leia wear--le rarrrrrr!)
• Chewbacca = Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets (Not only because of his abnormal tallability, but also because of that sneer/smile and that protruding, Neanderthal-like forehead--he'd be perfect!)
• The Emperor = Vince McMahon, owner of the WWE (We even cover fake sports here at sportswannabes, much like how ESPN got their start way back in da day! And, YES, I am comparing us to ESPN, so just get on board now and be ready for the ride!)
• Jabba the Hutt = Manny Yarbrough of sumo wrestling fame (Hey, c'mon! The sports wannabes are truly all inclusive in our sports knowledge! What did ya expect?)
• Obi Wan Kenobi = Brett Favre of the Green Bay . . . oops! . . . of the New York Jets (A little older, a little wiser, and still able to kick a little ass when needs be! You'd best listen to the master!)
• All the Ewoks = Spud Webb of the 1980s Atlanta Hawks (Yea, we're going way back on this one, but dammit! he was just so cute and cuddly while winning that Slam Dunk Contest!)

Others we've forgotten? Please share!

Exclusive Video of Harvick-Edwards Fight!

For all of you NASCAR fans out there, your sports wannabes have obtained an exclusive video of the actual physical fight between Kevin Harvick and Carl Edwards from a few days ago! Please note that you will find this video nowhere else but here--not ESPN, not CBS Sports, not CNN SI, not even FOX News!

We are/should be your number one source of all things sports! Forget those other sports websites! They're obviously posers, or else they would have gotten the scoop on this story! But they didn't, and WE did! They're obviously the true sports wannabes, and the sports wannabes are the real deal (while still being sports wannabes)!

Thus, right now, before you forget about it, delete those "other" sports websites from both your "Favorites" list and your computer's "History." And put us where we rightfully belong--as the one and only site for your sports information needs!

Oh yeah. Here's the video.

Enjoy.

The Beatitudes and Sports--Your Daily Lesson in God

Again, for your thinking pleasure (most certainly an oxymoron for true sports wannabes everywhere), we present the far-too-obvious relationship between religion and sports figures. This time, we'll go with a rather popular religion nowadays--the Big C, Christianity.

The text of St. Matthew (5:3-10) runs as follows:

• Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.



• Blessed are the meek, for they shall possess the land.



• Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.



• Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice, for they shall have their fill.



• Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.



• Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God.



• Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.



• Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

A Purely Mathematical Viewpoint

What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you. If . . .

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26,

then

D-O-D-G-E-R-S = 4+15+4+7+5+18+19 = 72%

and

P-H-I-L-L-I-E-S = 16+8+9+12+12+9+5+19 = 90%

and

R-A-Y-S = 18+1+25+19 = 63%

and

R-E-D-S-O-X = 18+5+4+19+15+24 = 85%

THUS . . . . . ..

Advantage in the NLCS goes to the Phillies, and in the ALCS to the Red Sox.

In the end, you can put your entire life savings on the Phillies to win it all.

It's mathematical. I swear.