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Recorded on 11-09-2008

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

A Travesty in Both the Sport and the Pastry Industries

So, my wife brought home some delectable groceries the other day, and much to my delight, she had discovered a splendorous combination of the two greatest inventions ever in the history of the homo sapien species--brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts and college football! Oh happy day! Oh joy! Oh gracious breakfast gods, thank you!

[Dramatic pause with mouth agape here]

. . . . . . . Ohhhhhhhhh, NOOOOOOOO!

Do my bulbous blue eyes deceive me? Or is someone playing a sick practical joke? Either way, I don't know how I can ever enjoy the sweet cinnamony goodness the same way again, for Kellogg's, in all their wondrously breakfasty ways, had not included the one single team that absolutely should never be omitted in any conversation about college football. Look on the box, dear reader, and note the only teams I have the opportunity of eating. Now, I'm sure, if you have half a brain at all dear sports fan, you are immediately able to spot the glaring omission from their Pop Tart college football pantheon.

The Tennessee Volunteers!

How could this be, o great god of Kellogg's?! I do not know. But sadly enough, as I open the foil wrappings each dewy morn, I will never be able to see the beautiful Push-up-sherbet orange of the intertwined letters of U and T winking at me, as if to say what a wonderful day this shall be.

I will simply have to hope that they will soon realize their catastrophic error and make whole boxes of Pop Tarts in only one team, the only team that truly matters--those wonderful Volunteers of the great state of Tennessee.

1 comment:

Drew Mather said...

Going to go out on a limb here, with the benefit of hindsight, having read up on your CFS or Choke Factor Scale from Thursday...

Maybe that 0.67 rating scared Kellog's into only accepting teams that wouldn't send women and children running for Daddy to perform the Heimlich (sp?) upon downing aforementioned tasty pastry.

P.S. Seems like your CFS worked like a charm yesterday ;)