Marching Band and Hazing? When Will the Insanity End?

FYI:


(Source: rivals.com)


Wisconsin band suspended for hazing



MADISON, Wis. (AP)—The University of Wisconsin marching band has been suspended indefinitely while allegations of hazing, alcohol abuse and sexual misconduct are investigated.

The band won’t play Saturday during a nationally televised football game between the No. 18 Badgers and No. 14 Ohio State at Camp Randall Stadium.

The university made the announcement at a hastily called news conference Friday night, saying the behavior is consistent with conduct that put the band on probation in 2006.

Mike Leckrone, band director since 1969, said he made the decision and it was the first time in his tenure the entire band has ever been suspended and prevented from playing at a game.


So, like, this one time, like, at band camp, I, like, . . . . . .

Seriously, what could marching band members be doing that would constitute as "hazing"? Here are my thoughts:

• Males actually brushing up (accidentally, mind you) against a female band member's rear end
• Making the newbies play the theme song to "Gilligan's Island" for 12 straight hours while wearing their silly band hats the whole time
• Doing keg stands with Starbuck's frappucinos
• Using their flutes "inappropriately" (e.g., like General Grievous and his 4 light sabers, like King Arthur's knights fighting with their silver swords, like a Dungeons and Dragons grand wizard casting the spells over all of the evil kingdom, and the like.)
• Getting into the formation of a huge, football-field-sized phallus in front of their 82-year-old, bow-tie-wearing band director
• Filling all the tubas with Mountain Dew, throwing Baby Ruth candy bars into them, and pretending that their huge toilets
• Playing the wrong notes . . . on purpose!
• Dropping their music sheets all at the same time as their band director cries, "Ready!"
• Teasing the flag girls for being so damn worthless

Shame on you, band geeks! You have tarnished the angelic image of band members everywhere, not to mention the solid musical reputation of the University of Wisconsin Badgers!

The Wisdom of Taoism

Taoism--a mystical, ancient Chinese religion/philosophy founded by Lao Tzu. Here are some of his most famous insights, followed by a click to a link that will show you who in the world of sports would be wise to listen to Master Tzu. See if you can guess before you click!

1. "Those who know do not speak, those who speak, do not know." >> A

2. "By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning." >> B

3. "He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." >> C

4. "He who knows he has enough is rich.">> D

5. “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”>> E

6. "Everything difficult must be dealt with while it is still easy." >> F

7. "Usefulness is to be found in non-existence." >> G or H

8. "There is no greater disaster than to underestimate your enemy." >> I

9. "Who can (make) the muddy water (clear)? Let it be still, and it will gradually become clear." >> J

10. "So, in their beautiful array, things form and never know decay." >> K

How much is $700 billion, really?

As our government contemplates bailing out the mortgage industry, it got me thinking. Not so much what will the government do with the money, rather what would I do with the money. That seems like a lot of money, $700 billion......WOW! We really don't realize how much that is. Think about this.

Let's say I hop on Ebay and buy the following:

1931 Bugatti Royale Kellner Coupe (the most expensive car in the world)
Tiger Woods
Warren Buffet
Michael Jordan
Bill Gates
A Stealth Bombers
A Shuttle Launch
Every NFL Team
Every MLB Team
Every NBA Team
Every NHL Team
and Disney (which owns ESPN)

When I go to my PayPal account, I will see a grand total of

$222,691,700,000

I still have a whopping $477,308,300,000 left on my US Governmental Gift Card.

I'll just buy a Brett Favre NY Jets Jersey ($79.55) for EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, literally!!!

What $700 Billion Would Be Good For

In the midst of our government's recent discovery of $700 billion just lying around in a back closet of the White House in order to bail out Wall Street mega-tycoons, I've decided to list what I believe to be better uses of that kind of cashola. Here they are:

• Buy a brand new sports complex for every pro team in the four major professional sports--football (32), basketball (30), baseball (30), and hockey (30). Hell, Lucas Oil Stadium, the new home for the Indianapolis Colts, cost a meager $720 million, so I'm sure we could swing a new nice complex for everyone else, right?
• Purchase the Dallas Cowboys, the Dallas Mavericks, the Oakland Raiders, and the New York Yankees just so that we could get those 4 owners (Jerry Jones, Mark Cuban, Al Davis, and George Steibrenner, respectively) to go away. Forever.
• Give referee Ed Hochuli and his entire extended family a lifetime witness protection program, complete with nice homes and full-time security guards.
• Hire both Urban Meyer and Nick Saban to coach Tennessee football for life (or at least to pay them off to get them out of the SEC forever).
• Give the whole kit and kaboodle, every bloody cent to Terrell Owens if he would just shut the hell up once and for all and go away. Forever! (It would be well worth it to me.)

Any other ideas?