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Recorded on 11-09-2008

Sunday, October 12, 2008

If Star Wars and Sports Were Somehow Melded into One

Star Wars . . . the greatest movie of ALL time! (Don't argue. Just accept it. You know you want to.)

Sports . . . the greatest time-consumers of all time (outside of curling and the WNBA, of course)!

Sooooooooo, why not combine the two in a moment of complete absurdity? Well, I think we will, so here goes, with exactly who should be playing some of the major roles if the space saga were to be re-done today.
  • Luke Skywalker = Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys (He seems like such a cute, li'l innocent type who has to ward off the evil advances of Jerry Jones, who probably wants to be that evil second-father figure to our dashing hero.)
  • Darth Vader = Stephen A. Smith of ESPN (Just because I hate him--seriously, he's both arrogant and ignorant, a perfect combination for our main villain.)
  • Han Solo = Randy Moss of the New England Patriots (A bit of a rebel who likes to be on his own and who gets into a little trouble every now and then, but still the one with great talent that we wind up cheering for when he's paired up with the right team)
  • Yoda = John Clayton of ESPN (Not necessarily because of his Force-like knowledge of all that is NFL, but more because of his hideous, shriveled-up looks--Disturbing!)
  • Princess Leia = Natalie Gulbis of the LPGA (Just because she's HOT with a capital "smokin'!", and I'm thinking about that costume Jabba made Leia wear--le rarrrrrr!)
  • Chewbacca = Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets (Not only because of his abnormal tallability, but also because of that sneer/smile and that protruding, Neanderthal-like forehead--he'd be perfect!)
  • The Emperor = Vince McMahon, owner of the WWE (We even cover fake sports here at sportswannabes, much like how ESPN got their start way back in da day! And, YES, I am comparing us to ESPN, so just get on board now and be ready for the ride!)
  • Jabba the Hutt = Manny Yarbrough of sumo wrestling fame (Hey, c'mon! The sports wannabes are truly all inclusive in our sports knowledge! What did ya expect?)
  • Obi Wan Kenobi = Brett Favre of the Green Bay . . . oops! . . . of the New York Jets (A little older, a little wiser, and still able to kick a little ass when needs be! You'd best listen to the master!)
  • All the Ewoks = Spud Webb of the 1980s Atlanta Hawks (Yea, we're going way back on this one, but dammit! he was just so cute and cuddly while winning that Slam Dunk Contest!)

Others we've forgotten? Please share!

1 comment:

Drew Mather said...

Lando Calrissian - Carmelo Anthony, of the Denver Nuggets, because those corn rows just say "Welcome to Cloud City, your Mile High Metropolis! Oh, and by the way I sold my soul to Stephen A. Smith!"